I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize