just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
