I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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