Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
