I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
