My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
