Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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