He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
