My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
