Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
