I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
