I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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