So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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