He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
