Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
