that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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