evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
