you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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