She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
