if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Randomize
