the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
