you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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