White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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