I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
