then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How does one acquire holy water?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
