Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
