I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
