I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
