I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
