I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
