would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
