I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
