Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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