Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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