allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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