oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
