i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
All I want is dick and wine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
