My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
