dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
