I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
