so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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