i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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