You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
