I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize