tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
