well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he's gonorrhea incarnate
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
