Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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