He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
