Pants 0. Shit 1.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
