i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
