Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
