So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
