There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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