One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
