I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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