i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
