his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
