Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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