he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
