he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
