"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
