youre lurking in front of me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
