It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need moral support for this bender
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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