I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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